I see you

I feel you

I hear you

Why must you disappear

Why must you be so evasive

In a flicker you disappear

In a moment we disconnect

Why is there fear lurking around

These moments of transition

These moments of finding you again

I see fear waiting 

To enter ever so sneakily 

It’s such a beautiful song

It’s such a beautiful dance

It’s such a beautiful life

Love

Sankalpa 

Anxiety is not a disease

Anxiety doesn’t mean you are weak

It doesn’t mean you are special

It doesn’t mean you are an emotional person

It doesn’t mean you are soft and delicate

It doesn’t mean you can only be an artist

It doesn’t mean you have restricted ability

It doesn’t mean you need to be protected

It doesn’t mean you are mentally handicapped 

It doesn’t mean you can’t handle conflict

It doesn’t mean you are a pushover

It doesn’t mean you are scared

It doesn’t mean it’s a chronic disease which you just need to manage and get by

It doesn’t mean that you had childhood trauma and it’s all your mom and dad’s fault

It’s definitely not your personality 

It’s none of the above

All of the above are labels and boxes our mind has created to protect us

You will feel anxious,

But you can still handle conflict

You will feel anxious,

But you can still build a business

Its okay you had experienced some childhood trauma

It’s okay you grew up in a house with single parent

It’s okay there was physical abuse in the house

All of these have happened, in the past

Now it’s the present

You are feeling anxious

Let’s assume they are 2 independent entities

Unrelated

And you are going to feel anxious several days , weeks and months

First let’s start by accepting the discomfort you feel , it’s real, it’s there 

But it’s not a disease

It’s a signal 

It’s a signal of spiritual growth

It’s a signal that you are facing your fears

It’s a signal that you are learning acceptance 

It’s a signal you are making changes in your life

It’s a signal of self realization

If you are feeling anxious

it’s not a punishment 

It’s freedom

Freedom from your old self 

It’s metamorphosis 

That you asked for in silence

Love,

Sankalpa

Anxiety is not a disease

It’s a signal 

A signal to look inside and change our thought patterns and beliefs

Anxiety as a signal could be pointing towards different causes

The cause could be different from person to person

The cause could be different is different stages of life, seasons or even during the day

For me sometimes feeling anxious means fear

Sometimes it means trying to be present in the moment

Sometimes it’s a signal that Iam confused about what to say or do

Sometimes I am trying to establish a connection to myself 

Once we look at anxiety as a signal  and not a disease 

Then it changes our identity 

We are not broken

We don’t have a disease

We don’t need to be fixed

Then we can

1.observe ourselves and identify when the signal comes and what it is trying to say

2.recognize the pattern or habit that is causing it

3.replace that with a new habit

4.Practice it as much as possible 

Keep repeating this until you have a new set of habits which no longer trigger the signal of anxiety

Anxiety is a very uncomfortable feeling

It feels like everything is closing in

It feels like something is stuck in the throat 

In these moments breath is a very strong ally

As you walk and talk and move around start focusing on your breath

Try to make a narrowing in your throat and start breathing out and prolong your scale while making a sound like the ocean

This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and calms you down

But this breath can get you close enough and face your fears and sit with them

Once you sit with your fears for a long enough period , you face them they fall away.

They no longer hold power on you so anxiety is gone.

So this breath is like holding on to your mother when you are afraid

It’s your friend that stands by your side when you have a doctors appointment 

It’s spouse that refuses to give up on you in the darkest times

This breath is you helping yourself

Even when you have nothing to hold onto you have your breath

Love,

Sankalpa

My experiments unseen and untold.

We are a sum amount of the experiments we conduct in silence.

All of us every moment every day perform hundreds and thousands of experiments.

Most experiments seem like a dead end.

But that doesn’t deter us from performing more experiments. 

Every day we wake up early in the day there are a few moments to hours where you’re not performing experiments but experiencing yourself.

But as the sunrises, the birds wake up life is being stirred on the Earth , all of us are going to the lab of life to perform our own experiment that have been set up for the day by none other than us.

All of us continue to struggle day in and day out.

We cater our struggle to either the external circumstances or internal noise.

To the external chaos : for some its work , for some it is disease for some is spouses, for some environment ,for some it is politics.

Or to the internal chaos:  as we call it, the chatter of the mind, the nonstop thoughts, the anxiety, the depression .

The reasons might be different. The circumstances might be different. It might be external it might be internal, but we all cater different reasons to the same point.

The struggle is not because of this chaos, externally or internally.

The struggle is because of the ongoing experiments.

Imagine a laboratory where experiments are being conceived , performed, executed with no results, utter disaster and failures, life is like that.

There are hundreds and thousands of experiments being done before technologies are invented, or something new is created.

The struggle is because of these ongoing experiments which leads to growth.

That is the inherent nature of struggle towards growth be it child birth, puberty, adulthood, senility and death. 

We add layers to that struggle by having a preconceived notion of what the experiment is, how it should be done and the what the results will be, with our limited human consciousness.

Our expectations of how this moment should be is what intensifies the struggle. 

Acceptance that growth is ongoing, in periods and seasons, just like a tree from a seed, and being an observer of this ,moment to moment is all that is needed.

If acceptance and surrender are the final step before your life changes, then it seems like a good habit to learn, understand and practice.

Love,

Sankalpa

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Silence is the song of the soul.

Silence is the me

In silence, I see you.

Silence brings the soft question,

With time and patience, also come the ground breaking answers 

Silence I love you so much, that this seems like a betrayal.

With the blood that is shed in the battle between my moral self and betrayal, I continue to write the following words.

I have rehearsed this blog in my head for so many days weeks months years although it is the first time I’m writing it. It seems like it has been published 1001 times

Not being a conformist to rather jump in and believe in whatever is going on around is a double edged sword.

The internal dilemma, although a small word to say he is an always remains a chisel shaping the statue of beautiful life and it’s outcome.

Growing up, I have always found solution in words, sometimes in reading them and sometimes writing them. The most formative memory, I have of myself deciding to be a physician also stemmed after a gut wrenching visit to physically disabled orphanage in my hometown in India. I do not remember the experience I do not remember the emotions, but I remember finding a piece of paper to write down a poem as I was welling up.

As time went by life found me, words have left me. The roller coaster of life has brought in challenges which needed introspection.This is when silence became my friend.

I have found myself in silence multiple times.Now I enjoy both sometimes the words and some other times silence.

Now the mind which operates only in the binary started looking at words and silence being the opposite.

This  continued to tear the insides apart in the long lasting battle between silence and words. There is no winner and loser in this battle and it continues  as I write this words.

I’m trying with my non-binary self to accept that silence and words are two sides of the coin. But Iam the coin hence can’t separate each from the other.

And these words will reach someone in need at some point in their life.

Being a conscious user of anything to avoid pollution of the planet I have bottled up the overflowing rivers of words with my highly intelligent mind, telling me 100 different reasons of why it is a waste of time, that nobody’s going to read it, I am adding to the pollution of the Internet, creating an area of emotions, ranging from guilt, anger and shame.

This is me in my effort to challenge my duality of good and bad and finding the legend of my life.

Love 

Sankalpa